


Sunset of Farewell

by Valgus



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Coping, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Please forgive me..., Why must I torture myself by writing this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 08:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4781333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valgus/pseuds/Valgus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If only Haru went home with Makoto that time, maybe Haru could stop Makoto from dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunset of Farewell

Haru slammed a piece of paper by the table.

Makoto stopped tapping on his phone and looked down at the paper before looking up at Haru, “New indoor swimming pool is open next town?”

Haru nodded. His eyes must be sparkling. That would be enough information for Makoto.

As Haru expected, Makoto chuckled. “Alright, Haru, we’ll go there this weekend.”

*)*

It was still cold when the Haru and Makoto started their third year in high school. The swim club couldn’t use their own pool just yet, so that left Haru restless looking for constant source of large body of water, since obviously Haru couldn’t go to Samezuka’s pool all the time.

Haru was beyond excited when he boarded the train to next station with Makoto that Sunday. Makoto had to remind him again and again to walk carefully and to stop tugging Makoto’s swimming jacket.

When they reached the swimming pool, Haru let Makoto handled the jacket and clothes he threw away as he ran to the pool. Haru definitely didn’t see other people staring a high schooler who stripped as he lunge into the pool. Makoto apologised to everyone staring at Haru as he picked up Haru’s clothes and bag.

It had been almost two weeks since Haru last swam, so he was swimming like crazy while Makoto took it slow on the next lane. After at least an hour, Makoto spent more and more time with some mothers who brought their children to swim on weekend. From what Haru heard, they used to swim at Iwatobi Swim Club that was now in repair. Haru quickly swam away again, tasting the water again and again.

When the dawn approached the horizon, bathing the indoor pool’s glasses ceiling with colour of blood, Haru’s skin was already prune-like but he kept swimming anyway.

Makoto was the one who protested, squatting by the pool and begged for Haru to go home with him. But Haru knew he would have to wait for another weekend a thirty minutes away by train to get to this place, so he just pouted to Makoto. Makoto said nothing, except making defeated noises.

“Makoto, you can go home first,” grumbled Haru.

Makoto looked super worried as he mumbled, “Eh? Are you sure? You will definitely get out and go home before it’s too late, right? We have class on Monday, after all.”

Haru nodded, ready to swim again.

“Haru,” called Makoto, stopping Haru from diving into the water.

Pouting and furrowing his eyebrows, Haru turned around to look at Makoto.

Makoto was already on his jacket and shoes. He smiled down at Haru, the left side of his body was glowing red because of the sunset.

“Take care of yourself, Haru,” Makoto smiled.

Haru suddenly remembered he had to take a breath. He did and swam away to hear Makoto left only after Haru left.

Haru stopped swimming midway to look at Makoto vanished by the glass door. Haru wanted to follow Makoto, but then he buried his face on the water once again, swimming his feeling away.

*)*

Haru finally left about an hour after Makoto left. He walked to the station, wanting to check his mobile phone for time, but then he realised he left his phone at home. Shrugging, Haru stepped inside the train station and thought about how he would cook his mackerel for dinner.

Maybe Haru would just grill it like usual.

He stopped by Iwatobi station and walked home… to a crouching, sobbing curl of person by his front door.

Haru immediately recognised the strawberry blond hair and touched Nagisa’s shoulder.

Nagisa’s whole face was very, very red. His eyes were bloodshot and teary, while his cheeks were glistened with streaks of tears. He must have been cried for sometime, because he had snots around his nose too. Nagisa was a mess. Haru could felt his heart beating very quickly out of sudden, because he never saw the cheerful, talkative Nagisa cried, let alone crying like it was the end of the world.

“H-Ha-Haru… Haru-chan…” wept Nagisa. He tried to stand up, but his knees must be very weak that he stumbled on the ground right away, only to be caught by Haru half a second later.

“What’s going on, Nagisa?” Haru hoisted his friend up.

Nagisa screamed into Haru’s shoulder. Haru was afraid that the neighbour would come checking, but then Nagisa pulled back and shook Haru’s shoulders, “Mako-chan… Mako-chan is…”

Sounds of small, running steps were heard from the stairs and Haru let Nagisa wept into his chest while Ran and Ren appeared. They looked so much more messy than Nagisa and Haru suddenly felt like someone just punched his stomach. He wanted to puke. He didn’t want to know—he didn’t want to see Ran and Ren running towards him, crying and weeping, “Onii-chan is… Onii-chan…!”

Haru could hear the unspoken word from Nagisa, Ran, and Ren. He stood motionless with prickling feelings on his fingers—and then coldness.

He barely remembered Makoto’s father bringing the twins against his shoulders and asked Haru whether he also wanted to come to the hospital. Holding sobbing Nagisa, Haru nodded.

*)*

The white room in the hospital had no furniture at all but a single bed with wheels. When Haru entered with Makoto’s family and Nagisa, he saw several other people inside; Rei, Rin, and Kou. They looked as if they just saw ghost when Haru entered and Haru somehow knew why they made such face.

The bed with wheels had a body covered by two white sheets. The big one covered the body and the small one covered only the face. Haru could see the olive brown hair on the part not covered by white sheet and Haru wanted to die.

Mr Tachibana’s shaky hands slowly reached the sheet upon the face and removed it from his oldest son’s face.

There Makoto lied, eyes closed as if he were just sleeping. His lips were very slightly apart and he was paler than Haru ever remembered, even on those winter days where Haru sort of forced Makoto to get mackerel with him.

Mrs Tachibana’s sudden sob as she ran outside the room jolted Haru that he felt like someone just stung him with electricity. Nagisa didn’t hold back his cry, Rei had to take off his glasses to wipe away his tears, while Kou leaned against Rin, whose eyes hidden behind his reddish fringes, though Haru could still see two streaks of tears by Rin’s cheeks.

Haru felt completely numb.

It was so weird. His heart was beating so fast Haru thought he was going to explode, but instead he just felt numb. Makoto’s sleeping face pulled Haru’s attention once again, like an opened door to empty indoor pool.

Haru tried to swallow, but his throat was dry.

_Take care of yourself, Haru._

Suddenly, looking into Makoto’s face was extremely painful. Haru’s knees fell to the cold, hard ground as he wailed an incomprehensible words and screaming Makoto’s name. He was suddenly filled with rage. Haru wanted to shook Makoto’s shoulder and fucking ask him to wake the fuck up because there was no fucking way this was real.

Rin had left Kou to hold Haru from touching Makoto, with Rei helping him a beat later, his glasses fall to the ground. Nagisa still cried in the background and Haru looked at Makoto’s face through tear-filled eyes, screaming and kicking. Kou sobs made him realise that Haru wasn’t only acting surprising, but also scary, but Haru didn’t care. Haru couldn’t care. He started punching and elbowing Rin and Rei until some hospital staffs came to help them out. Haru knew he bruised his two friends, but he didn’t care, he couldn’t, he just couldn’t, there was no way he could care at all to this… there was no way… there was just no way…

There was no way Makoto was dead.

Haru vaguely realised that some staff must be injecting something to his arm, because then Haru felt sluggish, sleepy, though his chest was still painfully aching. He mumbled weakly, sobbing against Rei who still held him despite Haru’s elbow against his stomach. Haru had cried so much that his eyes were throbbing with ache but he wanted to cry more. Darkness slowly enveloped him and Haru could feel nothing but feeling very small, very sad, and very much lost.

*)*

When Haru opened his eyes, he was back in his bedroom, with Nagisa and Rei snoring on his floor. His whole body was aching and for a short, blissfull moment, Haru couldn’t remember why he was in pain.

But then, the memory flooded back into his mind like a burst of unforgiving tsunami, pushing Haru to the pillow to scream his off into it and cried again.

Rei and Nagisa woke up and tried to calm him down once again, and Haru only held to them so very tightly because he felt so cold and scared.

Where was Makoto?

Where did Makoto go?

It was Monday. They were supposed to go to school. Miho-sensei wouldn’t like it if they weren’t there. Haru sobbed so hard that his whole body shook as he leaned into Rei, only to realise that Rei’s tears were falling on Haru’s left cheek. Nagisa held his hands and hiccupping, crying as he gripped Haru’s fingers like his life were depending on it.

Haru didn’t know how long he sat there, crying, until he only stopped because he was so tired he couldn’t even form a coherent thought.

When the wave of rages had stopped, what was left was a small consciousness that Haru was somehow responsible for this. Then Haru knew, he was. He was guilty beyond measure.

If only… if only Haru went home with Makoto yesterday evening, maybe Haru could stop that car from hitting Makoto. Maybe Haru could pull Makoto away from the car before it touched his best friend’s precious body. Maybe Haru could trade in for Makoto’s place instead, so he would be the one lying cold and stiff on that hospital bed instead of very lovable and kind-hearted Makoto.

If only Haru went home with Makoto that time, maybe Haru could stop Makoto from dying.

But it was too late now. It was too late.

Makoto gone to a place Haru could never reach and Haru would never talk to him again.

*)*

The funeral was a blur. Haru remembered Makoto’s mother helped him with dressing, remembered her sad smile which looked very much like Makoto’s, remembered that Haru would never ever see such smile again.

He remembered the coffin and Makoto’s photo among flowers.

Haru never knew that looking at a photo of Makoto would make him so shaken that he ran to the bathroom because he wanted to puke. Nothing came out of his mouth and Haru was left cold and shaking by the toilet’s floor until he saw a certain orange-haired male helping him up. Haru looked up to Captain Mikoshiba from Samezuka. Upon seeing the captain’s shaken and bewildered face, Haru felt a strange sense of ease to know that he wasn’t the only person in the whole fucking world that so fucking sorry that Makoto was gone.

*)*

Haru didn’t and couldn’t come to school for more than two months after that. He remembered waking up one sunset, watching the blood-coloured sky upon his bedroom’s window once again. He remembered Makoto’s last sunset, the side of his body was red as he smiled down upon Haru.

It felt like a lifetime ago.

A gentle breeze was blowing through the opened window. Haru inhaled, tried to smell the world, tried to connect to the now very cold and cruel world once again, but he smelled nothing.

As the wind blew again, Haru somehow got an image of Makoto in swimming jacket the last time Haru saw him. The jacket was pulled up as Makoto grew a pair of black and white, large and orca-like wings on his back.

And then he left the earth and descended to heaven where such a kind soul like him truly belonged.

Haru looked at the sunset and felt his cheeks were wet with tears. There was no way he could ever move on from this. Maybe Haru would spend the rest of his life in this very bedroom; blaming himself over and over again for letting Makoto went from his sight for once and all.

*)*

It must have been almost three months after Makoto’s death when Rei came to inform Haru that he had a guest. Rei came every several days, rotating the Haru-visiting schedule between him, Nagisa, Kou, Rin, and Coach Sasabe to make sure Haru was still eating.

Haru didn’t want to see his guest, but then the guest told him that he owed the late Makoto a very precious something.

Haru met the guest, another dark and shorthaired male, only that his guest must be at least thirty. He was dressed in yukata and brought along a large pet cannel with a meowing cat inside.

From him, Haru heard about what actually happened was Makoto tried to save his cat, as the little housecat ran from his house when it was still very young. The guest, who introduced himself as ‘Honda’, told Haru he didn’t knew that his kitten’s safe return home was in exchange of Makoto’s life.

Honda then offered Haru to have his cat if Haru would. Haru didn’t know what to say to this. He looked behind the bars to see a little brown cat with large, green eyes and Haru had to hold his mouth with his two hands because he suddenly sobbed again.

It was as if Makoto went home.

Haru didn’t say much, but he did accept Honda-san offer, because there was no way he would be separated from the cat whose life was saved by Makoto.

So then Honda-san left, followed by Rei, who seemed a little brightened that Haru had promised to get better, take care of the cat, and go to school at least next week.

*)*

Haru’s new female cat, christened ‘Mako’ by Haru when Rei, Nagisa, and Kou came to visit, was the center of Haru’s life. Haru went to school as he promised Rei, but he hurried home to feed Little Mako and to play with her to Little Mako’s heart content.

Haru never touched the swimming pool again and the club would have to be disbanded because no one could seem to swim again once they lost their beloved captain. Haru hadn’t even dared to glance at the school’s pool, because he didn’t want to break down and cry in the school.

About two months after Haru owned Little Mako, Haru slept one night with Mako by his side. Haru dreamed a very familiar dream that was almost always his nightmare. It always started with sunset in the pool and a certain someone’s back walking away from Haru through glass doors.

That night, however, Makoto stopped before the glass door to look back at Haru, smiling so beautifully that Haru’s eyes immediately filled with tears.

“Makoto,” sobbed Haru. “Please don’t leave me.”

Makoto just stared at him, back lit by the beautiful, blood-coloured sunset. He still smiled and Haru was so glad he still remembered every little details of Makoto’s face.

Against Haru’s will, Makoto turned into a beautiful memory of a distant past, in an era where someone would always be beside Haru to worry about him or to pull him out of the pool. The more Haru thought about Makoto, the more angelic Makoto became.

Years passed by and Haru graduated high school. He took a year off before going to local university, because he couldn’t afford living far from memory of Makoto and also Little Mako. Lured by another cat-lover friend in the university, Haru joined the manga club just so he could socialise to a new circle of friends.

Haru didn’t remember that he was good at drawing and before he knew it, he was helping the doujinshi-maker with background and colouring before he suddenly made his own manga. The club decided to secretly send it to Shonen Jump, a very big monthly manga magazine. The editor loved Haru’s bizarre yet Haru’s touching manga so much that he offered Haru a deal to make manga for them.

Haru didn’t know what was so great from his strange manga. It had a story of a very aloof main character who lived in the ocean, which was a place where all human lived after the glasshouse effect drowned the entire earth. The main character wanted to find land again and everyone thought he was absolutely weird but a single childhood friend who believed him fully. Human had fused with fish in order to adapt in living underwater, so the half-dolphin main character and the half-orca of childhood friend started their journey to find land. Because Haru only wrote one-shot, the story ended where they found land, only to die because they were out of water. But at the very last moment of the dolphin and orca life, they saw the sunset by the gleaming ocean, which was something that made their painful journey—and eventual death on the land—completely worth it.

For the manga, Haru had been advised to prolong their story, like adding elements of going through a lot of obstacles to get to land. Haru gladly accepted the job, because it means he could work without really leaving Little Mako and Iwatobi, but also because he could keep drawing the orca-like friend of the main character.

Haru’s manga was a success and he enjoyed his portion of small fame. He still lived on his thirties in Iwatobi with aging Little Mako (or perhaps Old Mako by now), where one day the people from the magazine visited him for interview.

They always interviewed Haru, but this time, on the anniversary of ten years since his debut, Haru told them something different.

“Nanase-sensei, it has been said that you were quite a swimming athlete back on your high school era!”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Then you stopped because you lose a very close friend. Some rumours said that the main character of your manga ‘Free!’, is based on you, while his trustworthy best friend and sidekick is based on your late friend?”

“… Yes. It’s true. His name was Tachibana Makoto. I have still have so many things I haven’t told him, so many things I regret, even though it had been more than ten years ever since. He was the person I love the most in my life and I still think he is.”

“So, Nanase-sensei, you make ‘Free!’ so that Tachibana-san keep on living?”

“I guess you can say that.”

“Did Tachibana-san also called you with ‘chan’ like your orca character does?”

“Well… yeah. I always corrected him, though. I wish I didn’t.”

“Finally, if you can say anything to Tachibana-san now, regarding his ‘appearance’ on your manga ‘Free!’, what would you tell him?”

Haru looked down for several second, before lifting his face to smile to somehow speechless interviewer.

“… Thank you for finding me, Makoto. Thank you for being by my side and spent almost your whole life with me. I owe you a lot, a very lot, of happiness. Sorry I never got around to make you even happier. Have a good journey. See you again soon, Makoto.”

**Author's Note:**

> *gross sobbing* I'm so sorry.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
